I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
