it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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