hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
