is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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