Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
