I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
