so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
