Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
