At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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