Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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