I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
