Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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