Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
