I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
