Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
