i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
