if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
