ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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