got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
