i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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