yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
