o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
