fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
