The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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