The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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