So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck appropriateness.
So many bounce houses so little time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
