Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
