Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
