k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
