I think I won the penis lottery.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
