Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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