his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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