the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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