You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
