Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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