I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
