Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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