the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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