You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
