U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I didn't shave. On purpose
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
