I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
