I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
