Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
