ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
