I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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