It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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