i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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