Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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