We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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