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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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