I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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