idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
