Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
