Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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