Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
