after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
