I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
