this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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