I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
