these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
