Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
