If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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